Some funny things I wrote
by Blahsblah2001
Summary: What kind of music do Irkens listen to? Why do HUMANS like it so much? And what's up with the Giant Dakshund? (AKA weiner dog) COMPLETED
1. Irken music and LINE DANCING ZOMBIES!

I me own not this. Crap good belong Jhonen Vasquez to. Sad me is. 

**The Music**

Zim was possibly more bored than any human in Mrs. Bitters' class. All 'fiddling with a pencil' entertainment was exhausted, and Dib had fallen asleep. No glaring was in order. Mrs. Bitters said if she found him making one more plan to destroy mankind in class, he would be transferred to the underground classrooms. Even he noticed that the kids sent there never came back.  
He activated a button in his Pac. Some Irken music was sent directly into his brain. (Nifty things, those pacs. Connected to the spinal cord.) He laid back and pretended to be paying attention. Mrs. Bitters rambled on.

Mrs. Bitters was interrupted from her doom-speaking by a little buzzing in the back of her neck. One of her students was enjoying himself! She opened a telepathic line with all of her students. In a minute, she turned off the ones that were sleeping, or bored comatose. She zeroed her search in on Zim. Something weird came in over the link. She ignored it.  
"ZIM! Stop enjoying yourself! You are in Skool and-" She cut off. What WAS that sound… Suddenly she snapped up. The music…it…beautiful…  
"Zim. If you're gonna play music into your head, you have to share it with the whole class."  
"I can't do that Mrs. Bitters. My…uh…CD player is designed to-"  
"SILENCE! Do it, ZIM, or I'll send you to the principal!" Zim got a horrified look on his face, and played the music out loud. Immediately, all heads in hearing range snapped to attention. Everyone grinned like insane monkeys at the lovely sounds coming from Zim. (That sounds SO weird.)  
It was like…it was like nothing on Earth. The music from the show sounds like Beethoven compared to this music. It's like all the voices in the head of a crazy person breaking into glass-shattering shrieks. Only prettier. The melodies twisted and swirled around each other ducking and diving, each different, but forming together to form this perfect sound.  
All the children turned into Zombies, and began line dancing. Zim recoiled in horror at the sight of Mrs. Bitters dancing. Torque was at the front of the line. He grabbed Zim and held him in the air. Zim kicked and flailed, but Torque held him still. They danced out into the hall, and the whole Skool turned into Zombies and danced into the streets. Soon, the whole population of Earth was dancing around Zim. How they could all hear the music, I have no idea. Zim tried to run away, but they wouldn't let him. And so they danced for weeks, until Zim was about to fall over with exhaustion. Just then, Dib burst from the cloud. Huge balls of cotton were stuffed in his ears.  
"ZIM! I know what you're up to and you won't get away with it!"  
"Shut up and help me! And why did this take you so long?"  
"I had to think of the cotton."  
"It took you THREE WEEKS to think of COTTON?"  
"Oh, Shut up. How do you think we stop them?"  
"Well, I could turn off the music…" Zim shut off the music. All the zombies were fixed instantly.  
"Hey, who turned us into zombies and made us dance for weeks?" Said Zeta.  
"The alien! With his alien music!" Yelled Dib. The population of Earth turned on Zim.  
"LIES! He's crazy. It was him, with his crazy-music!" Said Zim. Everyone ran after Dib, who fled in terror.  
And the moral of the story is…um…I forget. Don't play music in Skool if you're an alien. Don't accuse people of being aliens if you're crazy. Don't become a zombie dancer. If you do, believe the crazy kid when you come around. The plural of moose is Meese. Whatever.

Oh, yes. I almost forgot. Mrs. Bitters is a robot. See Halloween spectacular of Spooky Doom. Zeta calls her, and she obviously turns on before answering.  
One Me: You're Crazy!  
Another me: Yeah! Get one o' dem crazy buckets.  
One me: Whoa! I'm the angel of death!  
Me: Oh, shut up, you two. You exist to quote the wonderful horror of Jhonen Vasquez. That is your only purpose.  
One me: And that's all you'll ever be! A TOASTER!  
Me: Ok, whatever. I'm not typing the words of any more voices in my head. But, wait. I'm a voice in my head. So that means I can't type me…But then I can't type ANYHTING, but I DID thype something so-

Johnny: Ok. Wow. Does anyone know what happened here? There's just this crater. Um… I NEED BRAINFREEZY!


	2. The GIANT EVIL HOT DOG! RUN!

I me own not this. Crap good belong Jhonen Vasquez to. Sad me is. 

Hot dogs.  
Zim was hard at work on his latest plan at world conquest. In the uppe rlevels, he could hear Gir screaming insanely. He tried to ignore it.  
"Maybe if I rigged all the tomatoes to attack…"  
"PIIIIIGGGGGYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"  
"I could program-"  
"PIGGGGGGYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"  
Zim clutched his head.  
"AUGH! THREE INCHES of reinforced TITANIUM ALLOY cannot keep the insanity out!!"  
He bolted for the elevator, determined to shut that robot off if it was the last thing he ever did.  
Upstairs, he found Gir on the floor playing with what appeared to be a giant hot dog.  
"GIR! Put that human food down! NOW!"  
"Awwwww…"  
Zim watched in horror as the 'hot dog' sprouted legs, and started running around.  
"AHH! THE HOT DOG HAS MUTATED!"  
"Naw, master! It's a weiner dog! I NAMED HIM WILLY!"  
"Weiner dog…"  
"Yeah! The lady at the store said it was a daksund, but she's dumb, apparently."  
"Hmmm…"  
Zim eyes the dog, who was busy chasing it's tail. It bore some resemblance to the 'cute' hamster. He shuddered at the recollection of that disaster.  
"Look! It does tricks! SIT WILLY!"  
To Zim's amazement, the dog sat. Gir ran through the standard list of dog commands. The dog performed each of them. Zim smiled, and retreated to his lab.

"But sir, don't you remember the LAST time we tried this?"  
"Of course. ZIM MAKES NO MISTAKES!"  
"So, don't you think doing it AGAIN will result in similar failure?"  
"NO! This time it will work." Zim told the computer.  
"You know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, and expecting different results?"  
"Yes."  
"Just making sure…"  
"NOW! We shall begin the process of MUTATING THE WEINER!"  
"Yeah. I'll probably end up cleaning it up, too…" The computer said under his breath.  
"What was that?"  
"Nothing…"

CRASH!  
Dib sat straight up in bed. He had been woken up by a loud noise. And loud noises can only mean one thing.  
"ZIM!" He shouted.  
"BE QUIET!" Gaz screamed from her room.  
Dib jumped out of bed and looked out his window. He saw several police vehicles drive by, but nothing else. He quickly dressed, and climbed out the window.  
He followed the flashing lights into the city, where he found a huge… weiner dog. Destroying the city.  
"Zim must really be getting desperate." He said. He spotted the little alien riding on the back of the huge canine. Zim was laughing maniacally. Until the dog took off, running like a maniac.

Between trying not to fall the 80 feet to the ground and trying to see where the dog was going, Zim was having a hard time of it. It just got harder when he saw where the dog was headed. The Ocean. And at 200 yards a bound, he was getting there, fast.  
"NO! BAD DOG! SIT! SIT, WILLY!" The dog ignored him, and splashed into the water.  
"NO! Go back to the shore! BAD DOG!!"  
Willy couldn't hear him, and kept heading deeper. Zim tried to avoid the burning water. He soon saw that he was going to have to swim back to shore. Willy was up to his shoulders, and showed no sign of going back yet. In a awkward swan dive, Zim leapt off the dog, and into the cold ocean water.  
Dib arrived on the beach just in time to see the dog disappear over the horizon. He hoped Zim had gone with it. It would never make it across the ocean. His hopes evaporated upon seeing the green boy swimming desperately to shore. The paste did, and had, washed off. Tendrils of steam rose from his body as he sprawled on the sand.  
Dib laughed at his foe. Zim noticed him, and glared. He threw a huge ball of sand at Dib, and ran off toward his house. Dib wiped sand off his face, and glared at the retreating alien. Then he abandoned it and began walking home.  
Two days later.  
(Translated from Chinese)  
"HEY! What is that?"  
"It's… It's… A WEINER DOG!" The two boys stared at each other, screamed, and ran, screaming, for the shore.  
On the beach, bathers stare wordlessly at the approaching menace.  
"LOOK AT THE HORRIBLE AMERICAN HOT DOG!"

YAY!!


End file.
